The Sounds of Silence

I had some interesting experiences in the past few months, most occurring particularly during the Christmas Break. It's taken time to digest and understand what it is I could pull from these experiences, but time has helped to gain a deeper meaning, and heal wounds I didn't think were there. I don't like to dive into "Woe Is Me" conversations or topics, because life is better than that. Some of the events, are personal, others I learned based off observance, etc. And now, I digress:

1.) We spent Christmas at my sister's house in Denver. She was a fantastic hostess, and it was fun to have the family, siblings, nieces and nephews, together under one roof. 16 heads under one roof can be a tall task, but my sister handled it like a champ. While we were all there, a trend began to happen. My nephew, potty trained for over a year now, had an "accident" one evening. The mess itself was not warming, but hey, that's what kids do. The trend continued, where the "accidents" didn't seem much more like accidents. After consecutive "messes" enough had become enough. He was lectured and made aware that what he was doing was wrong. Once is an accident, twice you raise your eyebrows. Three plus and well, discipline becomes crucial. A few weeks later, my sister in law was watching the kids, and the topic of the "accident" was brought to light. We can all learn from anyone, old or young. When asked why this happened, my nephew simply responded "I was scared. There were so many people in the house and I didn't know what to do." Now this doesn't mean we are all given a green light to dirty up the place when we are fearful. But how many times do we share that same fear, not knowing what to do, and make a "mess" of a situation because we were unable to find a simple solution to our fears. For my nephew, finding a toilet is a simple solution, as opposed to the floor of the game room. For someone who has a fear of being in front of people, instead of finding the nearest corner of carpet to "mess", you start small (give a comment, say a prayer) and then expand. I am by no means condoning the actions of my nephew, but I do believe that all things taken into consideration, we are all guilty of this in one form or another. It may take a lecture, a timeout, or a simple "step back and map it out", but the end-all-be-all is starting small and ending great.

2.) My roommate returned from Christmas with a large box that contained a gift in it. The roommate ended up opening the box, removing the gift, and leaving the box in the eating area of the kitchen. to most, this is an adequate solution, knowing that the intent at some point in time is to remove the box and dispose of it in an outside dumpster. The problem that followed, however, was the longer the box became stationary and remained on the wall next to the dining table, the more cluttered it became. An alternate trash can it became, the simple solution being "well the trash can is full, but there is this box here." Trying to understand its purpose, my roommates and I let the box sit, awaiting the time our roommate would walk past the box and say to himself "Oh that is my box, maybe I should move it outside". Alas, after over a month of the stationary box not moving, It was time to bid adeiu. I feel like that was an example of my life a bit. I set myself in a certain position, always saying to myself that at some point in time, I would remove myself to the outside receptacle. The longer I waited, the more stationary I became. At some point, in essence, I was hoping that someone would help move me to a more adequate spot. All the while, I allowed ideas to be tossed around, yet I remained stationary. Finally, I decided that to appease the situation, I needed to be willing to move myself. The box that remained stationary only stayed that way because we were all waiting for someone else to move it. That's how it is with us in life too I think.

3.) Rejection sucks. Nonverbal rejection may be worst (again, if YOU read this, thank you for your plead of the 5th and a vow of silence). Basically, I had conversations with some guys at work, and we decided if you really wanted to know something, basically put yourself out there. If you get rejected, well it sucks, but hey at least you know. I decided to do this. I'm typically one to harvest thoughts and what-ifs internally, and then by doing that for years after I continue to ask "what if". I went against the grain, threw myself out there, expecting to strike out because I had entered in the 7th inning of a game I had been a part of for a few months. What I didn't expect was for the game to have been over before it ever began. A verbal nonresponse was the response I received, which left me bewildered and a bit frustrated. What I learned though was life doesn't always go your way. Theory has it that if you do THIS, then either A or B will happen. This isn't always the case. Rejection itself is not a fun thing. But it happens, nonverbal rejection is a little bit different but regardless, it helped me understand that maybe I went about things wrong, maybe I entered the game too late, maybe there was never a game to begin with. But I prepared myself, I warmed up and when I felt I was ready to enter, it was the right time. Do I wish the result was different? Absolutely. But I am content with the result and just wait until the next time coach puts me in to finish the game.

Lessons learned: be careful of shatting in the corner because no corner is safe, open your mouth when someone asks you a question, and move your crap so no one else should do it for you!

Don't Give Up. Don't Ever Give Up.

So I typically don't like to serious on here because that's typically not in my nature. I am going to turn another page I guess on this one. It's a special week in the world of College Basketball. Preseason games and tournaments are in abundance, this week in particular has a special place in my heart. It was 17 years ago when former College Basketball coach Jim Valvano passed away from a battle with cancer. To help find a cure for cancer, Jim Valvano also had created the V Foundation.

Fast forward to Fall 2008. I remember the day vividly. I was going over to my younger brother's when I received a phone call from my mother. Amongst a world of trials our family was undergoing at the present time, this was the icing on the cake. Fighting back tears my mother broke the news that she had been diagnosed with Breast Cancer. I was shocked at not only the news that had been borne, but also that my mother had neglected to inform us of this for a few weeks. She went in for surgery, and began Radiation Therapy shortly thereafter. The Doctor's found that they had not completely removed the cancerous substances and so a 2nd operation was required, with additional treatment. I will always remember that Christmas. Driving with my mom to her treatments, not being able to empathize with the pain she was feeling, all I could do was drop her off, and be there when she returned.

During the ESPY awards show on March 3, 1993, Jimmy Valvano gave an unforgettable speech that touched base on his battles with cancer, and the outlook he displayed throughout the painful process that ultimately took his life. His ability to have a positive outlook regardless of his circumstances was incredible.


Jimmy Valvano emphasizes the point that there are things we need to do in this life to get us through the day. Laugh. Love. Cry. Joanne Warcup has always been my exemplar of these things. The majority of the time, she laughs so hard that she just starts crying. I guess that's where I get it from. She loves like any mother would love a child. Coach Valvano states towards the end of his speech that: "Cancer can take away all my physical abilities. It cannot touch my mind. It cannot touch my heart. It cannot touch my soul." I have not experienced pain great enough that it renders my physical abilities incapacitated. This pain has been felt by many. My mother experienced this pain. But she exemplified the ability to rise above a physical impairment. During that Christmas vacation, I have never seen a woman so giving of her time, with such an incredible ability to express her heart. She has always been the anchor of the Warcup family. When that anchor was so fragile that hours needed to be spent recovering and resting, her spirit remained vibrant. That Christmas day I saw my mother cry. Sadly, my dad was not with us that day. My mother was not crying because of physical exhaustion and pain. She was crying because she loves our family. She loves my dad. He wasn't with us that day. He returned shortly after. But her mind, heart and soul were in a place that makes our family so happy: in the home.

I always look back to that time when I am struggling. Endless support from extended family, church members, prayers on my mother and father's behalf. My mother was protected by the heavens. She survived. So have many. The slogan for the V Foundation is "Don't Give Up. Don't Ever Give Up." Mother, I am so grateful that you didn't give up. I love you.

Pardon Me. Excuse Me.

So over the course of my college life I have been to numerous concerts of various genres and venues. Whether it be outdoors on a hot 100+ degree day at Warped Tour, a more intimate setting at Kilby Court with WSTM, at the MGM Grand with 'Nsync (yes I did say that), or at a House show with Bret Baker and friend, I have come to the conclusion that there is a standard of etiquette at shows that consistently is overlooked and is not followed. I will now bring these things to light.

1) To Mr. stand right in front of you with my girlfriend: I recently was at a show where my friends and I had strategically scouted out where we were going to view the headlining band (Anberlin). We stood right in front of the sound station in the back so that we could have access to the gates that surrounded said area. Now during one of the opening acts, I felt a nudge on my back. I turned and saw that a couple of people wanted to get by. I turned to the side and allowed "boy and girl" to walk by. What I didn't expect was for these two is that they would decide to join their friends right in front of me. I am perfectly okay with this, except for the fact that when I say right in front of me, I literally mean he might have been six inches directly in front of me. Awkward yes, particularly for the fact that he was close enough to allow myself to wrap my arms around his waist as he proceeded to wrap his arms around his partner's. At concerts, there is always a strong chance that personal space will be invaded, violated, you may become best friends to the strangers on your right left, in front of and behind. However, the line is drawn when said individual has over a foot and a half in front of him where he could very easily have placed himself. At this point I am baffled (remember the gate is literally 2 inches behind me), and so I say "hey bud do you mind moving." no response. I ask him again. Same reaction. After a few choice words I vent in my head but let the moment pass. The set ends, I move to my right to fill up open space and to not take part in this threesome that I want no part of (FenixTx was wrong). Said boy and girl move to their left in front of a friend who was there with us, proceeding to do the same thing that they had previously done to me.

2.) To the boy who crotch grabs the girl crowd surfing: Never. Never. Never. As an 18 year old freshman full of hormones and thousands of swear words, never should this thought process cross your mind. Needless to say, "boy" was taught a lesson by fellow concert-goers who also expressed their displeasure. Let's just say he had a few elbows and punches thrown his way. Respect-find out what it means to me.

3.) To the band who brings girls up on stage to allow the crowd to listen to a song as the two girls proceed to embrace one another through the whole song with their mouths...I look at this band forever differently. Glad to know that you took a page out of Blink 182's book there.

4.) A follow-up to #3. Same concert. Also affiliated with #2, same show. I applaud you for shaking your head in disgust and look down as members of the opposite sex proceed to show you features that are better clothed in public.

5.) To boy attending the show as a date with girl. Concerts are great. Pictures should be taken. Pictures should be taken of the band. Pictures should be taken of yourself and the group/individual, etc. Pictures should NOT be taken of yourself in front of an empty stage. Also, asking the person you are with (the girl-your date) to take the picture FOR YOU (as opposed to asking another concert attendee to take the picture of you and your date so that you may share the memory via photo together) is just plain wrong.

6.) To the bands that I have seen and that I have enjoyed: thank you for putting your talents, energy, and spirit into the shows. When a band actually is at a show and seems to care about the people they are playing for, it makes the show more enjoyable. That being said, those who don't interact much with the crowd, but yet put on a great show musically, I applaud you as well. To the lead singer who shows his disgust to the sound guy, to the unwilling lead singer that awkwardly interacts with fans before the show (aka being a douchebag), you have done your best to dissuade me from watching you perform.

7.) Perhaps the most controversial. The day of the concert is a day to engage in the music of the band you will watch perform. Hearing them live is amazing. Listening to them on the way to the show, during the day, etc. takes away from the actual experience. Attending the show is also fantastic. Wearing the tshirt of the band at the show does not make you any more of a fan than the next person. To be honest, you are probably that individual that knows the one song that is played on the radio and then is actually surprised to hear that they have multiple albums, and actually may have struggled to initially get to the point where they are the day they perform for you.

Thank you all bands who have given me the opportunity to listen to your music and have music experiences that I may not have by inserting a cd, plugging in a rca cord to a headphone jack and listening to a studio overproduced album. I applaud you. Keep it up.

Catch The Vision

When I was on the good ol' mission, I remember a quote by President Spencer W. Kimball that went something like this:
"If only you could see the vision as I have. I wish I had your bodies to do
this work. I would run from house to house telling everyone the gospel, and
after I lost the strength to run I would begin to walk, and after I
collasped from walking, I would begin to crawl, and after my knees were so
bloody that I could not use them I would use my arms to drag myself, and
once my muscle in my body was gone I would begin to yell...oh, only if you
could see the vision that I have."

I would be lying if I said this post was concerning General Conference and the importance of missionary work, though I do type this as I sit in front of the couch for one minute of the 600 minutes I will be engaging in Conference. However I am going to to twist the quote a little bit and relate it to my own life, so hopefully I am not hated and blasphemed for it.

I am not a runner, will never claim to be, will never actually enjoy it. The Inventory Department at APX decided to run a half marathon (participation optional:my first mistake) on Saturday, October 16th. I am easily influenced, and so a few of my warehouse buddies said "Yes, I will run the half marathon." Whether it was my pride, stupidity, an early death call, etc., when I was asked if I would run as well, I said I would. This past Monday, less than 3 weeks before the run, I decided to begin my training. Today at some point in time, I will run 6 miles.

Now I share this quote because President Kimball put into words beautifully the manner in which I will run the marathon. Miles 1-1 1/2, I will "run" (not from house to house). Miles 1 1/2-3 I will be too tired from running and so I will walk, and then I will collapse from walking. Miles 3-3 1/2 I will crawl. I don't like to become bloody so crawling will not last very long. At that point I will begin to scream. After 3 1/2 miles I will be done. 13.1 miles is essentially a half marathon. If i get a third of the way through it-Mission Accomplished.

In other news, our department at work also put together a flag football team. Most of the games are on Saturdays. This may interfere with our half marathon. The season starts next Saturday, October 9th. I can only hope that we have a game on Saturday, October 16th, the same day we are slated to run the half marathon. Then I can run all over the football field, and say when I am finished "the amount I ran in the game was about 13.1 miles-a half marathon". Mission Fully Accomplished.

In a separate post I will steal a page from my friend Brad Packer's blog {with my buddy Eric Robinson having done the same} and post my marathon mix. Twenty songs (with one honorable mention) that I will have as a shuffle for the last three miles of the half marathon, although as slow as I am in running a mile, all twenty songs may actually be heard during the last 3 miles. 30 minute pace for a mile: Mission Extensively Accomplished.

Deep Shallow Thoughts

So I have a few thoughts on my mind recently. Here goes...

1.) The verbal agreement means essentially nothing today. I consider it more like the RSVP response to a Facebook event. "Yes" typically means no, "Maybe" always means no, and "No" means no. A verbal agreement holds no value.

2.) I graduated High School in 2001. In 2010 (switch the zeroes and one a little bit) I feel like I am surrounded by people that still are in high school. Too much he said she said. Too much "he said this to me I thought I should tell you". Guess that's what I get hanging out with people who were born in a different decade than I was.

3.) Are you my mother? Like the book...I search for my long lost parents. I forget that some people are so consumed in their own lives that they can't seem to remember that there are other lives to think about.

4.) BYU football...potentially a six loss team. I haven't seen football this bad since the Crowton years. Offense is terrible. Defense may be worse. When you are more excited to watch your alma mater's rivals' game, something is wrong.

5.) Music has been a solace in my life.

6.) San Francisco Giants have been a bright spot in my life. Playin some great ball. Hope they can keep the momentum and make the playoffs. Goin' out to Colorado to see them this weekend. I'm officially part of the "I have a man crush on Buster Posey" club.

7.) I feel very apathetic towards a lot of things...I apologize for the ranting and I hope everyone is doing well. Thank you to those who have been there for me in recent times.

It Just Doesn't Matter Anymore

There is something about lyrics in music that fascinates me. Whether it be the placement of certain phrases, or songs that have relevance to things I am going through in my life at that particular time, I am all ears. So it is with life. I often wonder to myself why the realm of my mind fails to extend beyond passions I enjoy, but that is how life is. Ask me about sports and I will engage in a lengthy conversation as to why I am not a fan of the current NBA offseason moves, or why Brett Favre is a primadonna. Talk about politics and I feel as if what I bring to the conversation is limited. Ask my opinion on certain situations or people within my circle of acquaintances and I am bound to respond, offending half and putting the other half to sleep.

I guess what I am attempting to emphasize is that is how we all operate; what i mean by this is when something is interesting to us, we will speak up. If we are not versed in the topic at hand, more than likely so as not to look like a fool, we will "forever hold our peace." I was once told by an individual upon spending a night and a day out at her house in a small town that I am "really weird". The more I reflected on it, the more I began to sit and wonder that yes I am unique in my own right. However, what was failed to be taken into consideration is that when we are placed in a situation where we are not familiar or unsure of how to act and we all are definitively described as "really weird". Life would be boring if every one had the exact same interests, spoke the same way, was raised in the same setting, etc.

Life itself is fascinating. Because we are all unique, we are like verses to a song. Hear a story about someone you love and relate it to your own life. Hear the way someone talks, and think that you love the way that they speak and incorporate it into your own life. That is the thing I love most about life, is the constant learning and growing I am able to experience on a day to day basis. "Nobody knows what goes on in our little home..." Our life is our own to live, but I thank God everyday that I am able to live my life and choose the steps i will take and the locations I will arrive at. I often fall flat on my face, but I get up, wipe off the dust and let the scabs and scars heal over time...

Bathroom Talk

One of the most insightful parts of the movie "Kindergarten Cop" occurs just before the climax of the movie. Detective John Kimball's partner is teaching the students of the kindergarten class the importance of Never Talking to Strangers, how doing so can negatively effect someone's life. The quick response of the kindergartners in one of the following scenes helps the good guys to be aware of the presence of the bad guys, simply by the collective class as a whole yelling "STRANGER" upon the approach of the dangerous intruder.

As kids I'm sure we were all taught similar principles. Never talk to strangers, don't take candy from strangers, etc. I am here to refute this point just this once. I grant a Monopoly Free Pass on this occasion. I can thank my new found friend Case for this.

On a Wednesday night a few weeks back, a few friends and myself ventured up to Draper to watch BYU v. Utah in rugby at Rio Tinto Stadium (home of Real Salt Lake). Midway through the second half, my bladder took control and demanded I visit the porcelain throne. Entering into the bathroom, I found myself alone. Understanding the male code of conduct in using the restroom, I situated myself at a stall that would allow proper space between urinals (hint:if at all possible, men should not go to the bathroom next to another man if there is ample space or urinals available). As I am relieving, I hear a door open and a higher pithced voice say "hello" to the right of me: Enter previously nameless individual (who would come to be known as Case).
Our conversation went like this:

Case: Hi
Myself: How's it going buddy?
Case: Good
Myself: Well that's cool, are you having fun at the game?
Case: Yes I am
Myself: Cool, well, see ya buddy.
...I turn to walk to the sinks and proceed to wash my hands. Case follows me...
Myself: (Washing hands)
Case: I usually don't wash my hands
(he didn't)
Myself: Oh okay...
...I am walking out the door of the bathroom
Case: What's your name?
Myself: My name is Dan. What's your name?
Case: I'm Case.
Myself: Case it's good to meet ya.
Case: Thanks, who are you rooting for?
Myself: The Cougars of course, what about you?
Case: Me too. How old are you?
Myself: I'm twenty-six years old. How old are you?
Case: I'm seven.
Myself: Well Case, have fun at the game.
Case: Okay see ya...
We both walk away. I return to my seat and tell my friends of the interaction I just had with my buddy Case. My friends were curious as to what Case looks like; I turned my head to look back into the crowd, and point out a little 7 year old African-American kid running around in an orange and black jacket. "That is my new friend Case." My friends laugh at the fact that I had a conversation with a 7 year old. I feel priveleged having had this opportunity. I will probably never interact with Case again, but he has touched my life. I don't think striking up a conversation at the urinal will be a staple of mine, but for this one incident, I have made a new friend. Thank you Case!